1 Frustration: A lack and surplus of communication.

It is quite frustrating to be lacking in speech, and so adequate, at least in comparison, to writing.  This is not to say I am incapable of speaking, far from it.  I fear I speak too much sometimes, and that is just as problematic as not saying enough, or saying the incorrect word(s).  It is instead, my lack of ability to speak on myself which troubles me.  Why...why am in incapable of expressing large portions of my personal self outward....

I know that I am capable of dealing with these problems on my own.
I know that people will not understand, no matter how well my explanations.
I know that expressing myself is unwise, because my feelings, thoughts, are fleeting.
I express those feelings and thoughts that are not fleeting outward, because I have dealt with them, I have thought them through, examined them, chosen the wording for them.

I'm told I'm supposed to speak with others about these problems, yet I find myself incapable of doing so, past and present.  I know that this is by my own choice, and then bred over the years to perfection.  I'm almost beautifully adapt at speaking about a topic and never actually addressing it.  I can dance around an issue the way a ballerina glides gracefully across stage en pointe.

Interesting- I want to, but I don't want to at the same time. 

I'm planning on going to see a psychiatrist for my ADD-ADHD, whichever you prefer to call it.  I've decided that I'm sick of not actually getting the things done that I need to get done.  Up to this point I have refrained from using it as a crutch...I have no reason to.  It's a part of me, a part of who I am, not some outside force... I need to address the issue from inside out to have an affect.  I need to understand why I'm doing the things that I do, I need to understand the process my head goes through, once I can categorize my actions, be conscious of what I am doing, I can change.

We'll see what happens.

Until...
Remember: We are what we repeatedly do.  An act is only that, an act, not a definition.  Aristotle explains it a bit better, "Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but we rather have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit."

1 Thing to Do Today

I will laugh.  I will smile.  I will take pictures.  I will do my homework, or part of it.

I will...and I will forget I can't.

An Email at 1 in the Morning

I apologize if anything I have written offends anyone, or hurts anyone. That was not my intentions. I want to be honest with people and that starts yesterday. So, please, come to me if I have done any of the above.


I hope you can read this for what it is and nothing more. I'm sort of lost, but I'll find my way, I just have to find my map and compass. 





------------------------

Hey,

I'm sitting in my room, alone, aside from a six pack.

I don't know what to do now. I feel pretty lost here, after...

I tried reading through my notebook, I couldn't.

My Feelings at 1:01 AM a Week After Haiti

I sit here trying to read through my notebook…the stories from Haiti…I get through a few pages of my notes and feel this sadness…my throat tightens slightly...I’m tired, but I don’t want to go to sleep. It’s not time to go to sleep. I miss the simplicity of Haiti. My friends there were better than myself. They really were friends. I miss that feeling of not caring about anything outside of my situation, outside of the here and now, that was all that mattered.

Why are we so preoccupied with everything that’s not in our control, everything that’s not now?

Apologies For the Things I Was Not Able To Do

I know I said I would post regularly while in Haiti, but it was just not possible.

I think you can forgive me this transgression.

Anyways, I'll have my pictures up in the near future and will begin to write anecdotes once I'm caught up with my work.

Until than:  Remember, "Fortune favors the bold." - Virgil

How to Go to Haiti and Get Fat

Saq pas se?  "What's up?"

So, I have been here for four days now, and have eaten more food, and better food, than I do in a month of college.

Who would have ever thought that?  I come to HAITI and eat TOO much.

Crazy, the worst part is yet to come.

Haiti: A Volunteer Trip

Hey guys!

I'm sitting in a little cafe restaurant place, it has Dunkin Donuts and some place where you can buy a breakfast platter, eggs, bacon, potatoes, and a biscuit.  I obviously bought that.  I had Dunkin Donuts yesterday Mom.

I'm in the Fort Lauderdale Airport, and my flight leaves in about 40 minutes for Port-Au-Prince, boards in 10 minutes.

I'm having troubles figuring out my card reader for my memory card, so I'm not sure if I'll be able to upload photos and video or not, until I get back.  However, I'll do my best.


In the meantime, I'll be posting anecdotes.

The Things I Want to Teach My Son...when I have one

So, I recall hearing about a gentleman who was writing a list of advice for his son, that is not born yet.


I like that idea.

So, I'm going to do the same.
I'll keep a running tab on one of my pages, it will be titled Advice For My Unborn Son.

The Number 1 Greatest Thing American Apparel Has Ever Done

I just found out about American Apparels Best Bottom Contest.

This is probably the greatest ad strategy ever employed by any clothing company ever.

You can vote and view them all.  This is amazing.

That guy is a genius.  Plus, everything is made in America, the clothing that is; the winner is from Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic.

Heck, I should have a contest like this.......*evil conniving sounds*.....*reality slaps back*....yeah...
Shucks...Read below

1 Thing I am Planning

I was thinking about why it's hard for me to write stories, even short stories.  This was the other day.

I realized, after thinking about it, that I am most productive when I have outlined what I need to do, how I am going to do it, and in what order.  Then, my eyes sort of opened a bit wider and came to acknowledge the fact that most of the time, when I write a story that is not based on anything that has actually happened I tend to just write.  I do not have a plan.  I may have a character or an idea for what action occurs, but that's it, usually.  I never know what I want to say with my story, what I want to express, teach, imbue the reader.

Later that day, I was thinking about that, and came up with an outline for a story.

This is it.