Why I do what I do - How you can do your part

Two things have spurred me to this line of thought, to my explanation of my choices.

The first, I was questioned by someone whom I know.  The following conversation is recreated to the best of my knowledge and most likely is influenced by my emotions from the moment, so I am attempting to make the questions as innocent as they almost were.  He asked me what I was studying, which I responded in kind, "I'm studying the Middle East, Islam...Arabic.  My major is Middle East and Muslim World Studies and my minor is Arabic."  -"Why?"  "What do you mean why? Because I want to?"  -"Yeah, but what can you do with it? Why study something you can't do something with.  I mean, like, what can you do with it?"  "I can do a lot of things with it.  If I wanted to, I could make a lot of money, but I don't want to." -"Why do it then? What are you going to do if you're not going to make money?"  "Exactly what I want, work in the Middle East, non-profit work, ESL, whatever.  I don't really care if I make a million dollars."  -"I guess I just don't get it.  I am not trying to be mean."

The conversation continued, suffice to say, he didn't understand why I wanted to study this, work there.  I do, because that is what I enjoy.  He told me that no one enjoys their job, that there is no job that someone will always enjoy.  Obviously, there is nothing that people will ALWAYS enjoy, at every moment. In the end I asked him, "What you're saying is, because I am not going to always enjoy my job, I should study something and choose a career that will make me a ton of money, because, if I'm going to hate my job, I might as well pick a job that will make money?"  I was baffled.

The second, I was reading Sarah Shourd's article after being released from prison. I confess, I did not finish it, because I am here.  In it she says, "I fervently believe that everyone’s efforts led to my freedom, everyone’s belief that the world contains as much goodness, and as much justice, as we create and put into motion. Not an ounce more or an ounce less."  She is referring to the work people did in getting her, and doing to get her friends, out of prison.  This single paragraph stuck out to me.  It connected to me.

Now, to truly answer the meaning in his questioning, I am doing what I do because I think it is necessary.  I feel the need to work there, to represent a people poorly represented.  I do this because if I do not, then that is one less ounce of good will, of intelligence, of respect, of curiosity, of respect that is shared.  I must do my part, because the "world contains as much goodness, and as much justice, as we create and out into motion.  Not an ounce more or an ounce less."  We are responsible for this world.  If everyone just worries about making money, and not enjoying themselves or learning about the world and sharing themselves with the world....we will live in a sad, lonesome world.

I refuse to let that happen.  So, I do my part.

Conundrum.

Oh man, life has taken twists.

Someone has entered my life.  Snuck in.  Grabbed me by the ears and held me with her stare.  I'm enraptured, caught up, tangled.  I couldn't be happier.  My face is stuck in a smile, my eyes creased and my voice echoes out with laughter and sighs.

I'm on the cusp of leaving for Scotland, yet there is still so much I must do.  If I do not, then I do not go.  What a conundrum.  To find a love, only to be pulled by my other love (wanderlust).  What do I do?  I know the one desires that I stay, but wishes for me to go, because she knows I will be happy.  Yet, I wish to go, for experiences await, which I have dreamed of for years and nights spent awake.  To cause pain with my absence hurts me in thought already, I imagine the reality of my absence.  Let alone, the absence of that warm body from mine own arms.  Rambling in non-rhymes.  Hmmm...

Like all things in life, time will tell.  Time and conversation. 

To Jo

Hey miss,

Sorry I missed your birthday.
You're 18 now.  It's a big deal.

Turning 18.....hmm.  I've got to "watch" you grow up.  I can remember when you were young, more innocent, maybe a little dumb ;) (but we all were).  Now, you're becoming a woman.  You're learning about life, about yourself.  I know I preach to you a lot about how amazing life can be, but, please, don't ever sell yourself short.  You can do anything you want to do, go to any school, get any job you want.  It's just a matter of how much work, effort, time you want to put into it.    Not everything is easy, and the real good things never are.

So, you're growing up.  Don't forget you have the rest of the world to see.  You have a whole lifetime of experiences to enjoy.  Don't give up on the world.  One of my favorite quotes and one that truly inspired me is from Saint Augustine, "The world is a book, and those who don't travel only read one page."  I hope you take it to heart.  Don't just take it at face value, memorize it, ingrain it in your life, because he had it right.

Go experience as much as you can, grasp every opportunity.

Love you much,
Jared

Happy Birthday Josabet

Remember, there is no waiting.

I think I know what I want.  Hmm.  To think that I must wait 8 months to really give myself the chance it deserves though....that sucks.  I won't wait 8 months.  I'll live 8 months.  Then, in 8 months, I'll remember and see where we're at.

Cryptics Love

Oh, to wish and wait. Never.  Waiting, no.  Not now.  Never.  Maybe, one time.  Probably not though.

Love is patient?  Patience is not waiting. 
Hmm?

Where to lead? 

Turning 20, Desires and Carrots

Oh...how life turns and the wheels go roun'.

A week over 20 and I feel no different, I think.  I might act a little differently.  I might say with confidence now, "I'm 20." Because I'm no longer a teenager and no longer can people associate with me that image.  I'm truly into the phase of adulthood.

I'm pissed. :D  Seriously though, pretty soon it's going to be improper for me to have fun, be stupid or childish.  Sorry to disappoint, but that will never happen.  Even if I am extremely pissed off, sometime within the next 5 hours or so I will be laughing, doing something stupid...

I love to laugh, and I love making people laugh.

I hate the fact that things that I cannot have, I want more.  Things I can have, I want less.  <--This is a key fact to remember about me.  Play the "Carrot leading the donkey" game with me and you're sure to win.  It's frustrating, but it's the truth.  The only thing is, if you dangle that carrot for too long without me getting a nibble (figuratively speaking) I'm going to just tell you to fuck off and walk away. haha, sorry that's how I live my life.

No one controls me.  I wake up in the morning, and go to bed at night, and in between I do what I want. ala Bob Dylan.

Peace & Love,
Jared

Drunk after the 20th, Come to Jesus talk.

I haven't been this drunk in a while.  I apologize for any mis-writing I do.  Is that even a word?

I'm listening to "Dear God" by Avenged Sevenfold - You know man.

I had to really think about life this weekend.  I turned 20.

The Struggle for Growth & Honesty: Writing an Article About My Feelings

I'm working on an article I want to submit to Matador.  It's for the series "Love in the Time of Matador"  (other articles published in this series) - Link(Submissions Page & Details) - from the Matador Life section.

The article is difficult for me to write.  It is imperative that I be honest, completely honest in the article.  That is difficult when it is about a topic so close to me, i.e. my feelings pertaining to relationships, girls & love.

One thing I know that may occur when some people read this is the shift of their image of me from an ideal to reality.  What do I mean? 

Musings on a Rainy Day

I'm an old soul.  I've been told so many times.  Strange.  If people prophesy this for me, does it make it true?

Which is more true, the person people see, or the person I see?
I think they are equal.  You can't escape either one.
Unless you go "Walden" on everybody.

That's not really feasible, in any sense of the word.

I thought a lot of things with my pops was finished, put in the past, but I guess not.  Hmm.  I'm going to have to think on that.

I don't slight him at all.  I am not angered by him anymore.  Frustrated? Yes.  Disappointed? Sometimes.  Live and learn, my heart gets harder, but there is still something soft somewhere in there.

I wrote in my notebook today: 90% of the time I do what I want to do.  I find that leads to satisfaction.  The frustrating thing is when I don't know what I want -> Then I don't know what to do.

I'm out. Peace & Love.